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Friday, August 15, 2003

Miscarriage ... 

The numbers came in, and they weren't good: 137, a drop, which means the pregnancy isn't viable. Evelin has to stop all the meds and, hopefully, the miscarriage will happen naturally. If it's ectopic or if things don't progress the way they should (and it's pissing me off that I'm having to consider anything related to a miscarriage as "progress" or "natural") then we may have to go in for an MTX shot to end things, which is even harder on Evelin's body than a natural miscarriage.

I'm blogging this on my Palm on the Metro on the way home (well, writing on the Palm and will upload to the computer to blog it). I can't scream or cry the way I want to, and I'm sure I'm making a parent or two worried when I sort of zone out looking at their baby or child.

In the Pentagon City Metro Station (which is where I boarded the train) the police were talking to two guys. I didn't really look at them as much as at the two handguns and other objects neatly placed on the station floor.

A few stops before the end of the Yellow Line, I almost got off the train thinking I hadn't switched lines. I guess I'm a bit distracted. Other passengers probably do think I'm a bit nuts or something.

The thing I'm least looking forward to is telling Evelin. Especially with her brother and his girlfriend visiting. One thing I haven't blogged about yet is Evelin's sister, who announced that she's pregnant when we were up in Massachusetts for her cousin’s wedding two weekends back. Although the immediate family knows about our previous losses, we've been keeping this cycle very quiet with the family, not telling anyone. When Evelin's sister announced (which was post-IUI, but pre-positive beta) it was a bit of a shock. Understandably, everyone was trying to be sensitive to/about Evelin's feelings, and it didn't work. Long story short, while we're very happy for them, we may have reacted more with stun than glee, which left Evelin’s mom telling her what a good aunt she'd be, which was exactly *not* what she needed to hear. They've all talked since then and 90% of the air's been cleared, but it still is going to complicate the feelings surrounding this loss. Plus, my brother's wife is due with twins in November (another long story short, IVF, and we're very happy for them), so we'll be an aunt and an uncle well before we're parents (assuming we don't go Raising Arizona or some other speed adoption route).

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